*parental advisory, this is a grown-up story, you have been warned*
I submit this story to you anonymously because I would like to withhold the names to protect the guilty. There is a movie called Hangover that you all may be familiar with. My anonymous buddies know this movie all too well as it is somewhat close to their experiences as raging drunks! While some may find this funny, I see this as a cry for help, or coffee, or water...whichever you're willing to offer first.Walk with me...
So it was a nice and cool fall/winter night. Just one of those weekends where everything was chill. This guy was invited by his coworkers to one of those "office" type shindigs. It was a Saturday and at this time he was a heavy drinker. By heavy I mean, wake up and brush his teeth with a cup of gin, heavy. So anyway he woke up fixed a drink and was getting ready for the day. Mind you drunks have short term memory lapses so the party was damn near forgotten about at this point. As he was on his 2nd cup of drank getting ready to start the day, he starts getting calls and texts from coworkers asking if he was coming to the spot later on. With his buzzed mind in full effect for what kind of fuckery he can pursue with his female coworkers, dude is like hell yeah I'm coming. Now on his third cup of the day his boys are hitting him up trying to see what's good for the night. Of course he wants to bring his homies to show off the kind of hoes he works with. Since they're down for the cause they come around mid-afternoon right before evening with cases of beer getting all the way nice before the party later on. Oh and some bottles of liquor just to make sure they weren't short. Now its already half-way a party at the crib at this point so around comes one of the neighbors asking if he can join and roll to the spot too, but of course he can, the more the merrier.
Now everyone is pretty much lit at this point and its about time to roll out. Everybody separates for a while to go get ready for the night. *disclaimer* (I don't condone drinking and driving unless absolutely necessary, lol) *read on*...So he hops in the car with his homies and heads to the party. Now, if anybody else is a true drinker, they need something to keep the buzz going until they make their destination so, therefore, a beer stop needed to be made. Along with beer there were some other essentials as well...you know gum, rubbers, redbull, orange juice, the usual.
Now they enter the party, of course he tells me the party didn't start until they walked in (he's a smug sonofabitch) and all eyes were on them. His boys were wilding at how bad some of his coworkers were. Now of course since they're in the spot more alcohol needed to be purchased, and more fucked-uppedness was to ensue. So now that the slowed down club motion has taken affect its time to get on these bitches. Now everybody got their mack on pretty tight and got their share of numbers, but it was two of the homies in particular who just weren't satisfied with numbers...
Now the good part...
It was the dude who's coworkers party it was and his homie. These were the two dudes who found the two girls who they weren't letting go without some action. Now one of them actually knew one of the girls he was with from work so his job was halfway done. The other dude on the other hand was a complete stranger to this other chick. Keep up...so dude who didn't know the other chick were getting real cozy in the corner while other dude who knew the chick he was with was basically about 3 seconds from smashing on the bar. Next thing you know dude who didn't know the chick is asking his homeboy for some rubbers, and takes the chick outside. Then about 20-30 minutes later dude who knew the chick he was with, not to be outdone, takes his chick outside too. Now dude who didn't know the chick they disappeared, the chick who she was with rode with her so that basically left her with the dude she knew. So keep in mind its a little cool outside so ol' girl spots her homegirl's car with the windows fogged up. They walk over to the car and basically the chick who didn't know dude was giving him the business in the car I'm talking rocking back and forth and everything "Straight fucking!" (Tyrese voice). This chick, not giving a fuck, wipes the windows off so the people outside can get a view. Again, not to be outdone, other dude takes the chick he knew to his car. He gets her to his car and now homeboy is straight getting dome in the driver seat in the parking lot of the club! Its like an orgy going on outside in separate cars, lol.
You'll never guess what happened next...dude who was getting head and the chick he was with both PASSED OUT in the act, smh. So the club is closed and none of their boys can find them so they come outside. Before they get to the car the police get there trying to get these "couples" out the damn parking lot. With all the windows fogged up they can't really see in the car so they're knocking on the window, dude wakes up with his wood still in the girl's mouth, tries to hurry and get up since there's flashing lights, doesn't zip up, and hops out with his wood hanging out in front off all his boys (pause) and tells one of his homies to drive off. The other "couple" were already done and just were waiting on everybody else. Good thing the cops didn't see any of them otherwise it would've been a whole other issue. Plus they didn't get checked for being drunk so they slid by that one too. As far as the other homie and the stranger chick he drove her car back to his homeboys house and got neck the whole way, sly bastard. The neighbor, not ever experiencing anything like that, had the time of his life even though he was action-less. The crazy night pretty much ended there besides the "normal" drunk sex at the crib....crazy...
So there you have it a true story, but names omitted to protect the guilty, lol, fuck with ya'll later, dueces!!
And I'm off in t-minus 1...holla
Space Age Family and #TeamRTF stand up!!
And follow ya bro on twitter @Brian_Chase
CHEERS BITCHES!!
And Drink Responsibly!!
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